Thoughts from a runner.

I know I have already written about my running and how I enjoy it. However after my run last night I feel that I need to write some more. Last night in Calgary it was a nice -15 (or so) and with a wind chill factor of course. Making it very cold! The grown is covered in snow and some icy patches.

Yesterday was the most amazing run of my life, to date. I was bundled up in my new running gear and I was afraid of if I could run with it being so cold. I was definitely frozen until 2 mins into the run. Then suddenly everything warmed up, I could feel my fingers and toes gaining warmth and I could feel each muscle contracting and working. My breaths were longer and the cool air in my lungs felt amazing. The run was the most freeing experience I have ever had.

I know that I usually love the rush sports give me, but after running last night I felt something similar but different. In other sports when you’re running all alone you are usually on a break away and you have ppl yelling, shouting, cheering, booing… all these pressure on you. No matter how you separate it, its like a selfish high of doing something. Also sports like that depend on things, depends on the team, on the opposing team, on the crowd….etc. Running is all on you, no one is cheering, there are no distractions, no one to depend on its just you. If you’re having a good run, no one will know, if your having a bad run no one will know. Everything is for you, no one else is affected or changed just you. It’s the most freeing feeling in the world I think, because there is nothing else really where you don’t affect people. It reminds me of the car commercial which has this dude and all these metal, technical objects surrounding he’s face and when he drives they all seem to fly away.


Running last night was the same thing. No matter what occupied my thoughts, no matter what I wanted to think about, it all seemed to disappear. I could just concentrate on how each muscle, each organ, and how my heart and soul felt. There is not enough words to describe how I felt. The only thing I can really say is I hope you all have a chance to feel like that.

Loneliness

Loneliness is everywhere. I don’t think that there is anyone out that who isn’t scared of it, hasn’t felt it and doesn’t fear it. You can find signs of people who are so desperate that they get stuck into a disruptive life style because of it. I find it interesting that some of the harshest aspects of loneliness are in songs. It goes to show that even famous celebrities feel that way. I have included some that I find particularly interesting below.


I'll believe
All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you
-------
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.

You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.
Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.
----------------
All that I'm living for,
All that I'm dying for,
All that I can't ignore alone at night.
All that I'm wanted for,
Although I wanted more.
Lock the last open door,
Should it hurt to love you?
Should I feel like I do?
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
Honey you know, you know I'd never hurt you that way
-----
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
-50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
-And you still won't hear me.
Don't want your hand this time
- I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

Cirque

Cirque du soliel = circus of the sun is absolutely crazy. This show is so remarkable, so creative, so captivating and amazing. Last night they had one of their show’s on TV and some of the scenes were just incredible, I can’t even imagine how they choreographed it, how they thought of it, and most of all how they perfected it. If you’ve never seen it, then you are missing out. I high encourage you to download it or obtain a way to view it now!

The coolest scene was this act, which started off in a typical movie hero scene. You had your building with a rooftop with a hero character and a “bad guy” guy character on top. They of courses were part of this acrobatic fight scene. (Jackie Chan you better watch out for these dudes). The fight scenes were completely amazing; there are no words to describe it. Just as you think that ohh ok that’s cool, one of them kicks the other off the “roof” and then you notice the ground is a trampoline. So the dude bounces back does all these crazy flips and then hits the other guy, who does similar things. By the end of it all the hero with he’s crew and the bad guy with he’s crew are bouncy off the roof onto these trampolines and it looks like acts that one would do in a half pipe. There was one point when it looked like they were juggling themselves on this trampoline and wall.

If there is a most creative award in performance art that has got to be it! If your not convinced do yourself a favor and watch a show. I guarantee that you will be impressed. Check out the pic
http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/wdw/moreMagic/moreMagicLanding?id=DTDCirqueDuSoleiLandingPage&bhcp=1

Sports

Sports teach you three life lessons. Trust, Communication, Perseverance as highlighted in an imprint article this week. As soon as I read this article I had two initial thoughts… where is this guy I want to marry him and I can’t believe someone else feels this way. Sports can teach you how to be an amazing person, they can take you to heights never reached before and they can help you develop your analysis skills. I can’t imagine my life without sports. I can’t imagine how dull it would be how I could survive.

There are few substitutes to the adrenaline rush of sports. I think that’s why when you ever come across someone who had the same feelings as I do after they have stopped playing sports they are usually depressed, or substituting the high with something else. People will argue that painting or dancing or other things can give similar highs. I’m sure that its very possible, but for all the athletes who make millions, for all the hardcore fans out there, for all the hype around world cups and Olympic games there must be something special about sports.

subconsciously attached?

Recently I found out that we are allowed to listen to music at work. Similar to my elementary days, the phones play a predetermined radio station, which has been approved okay to be played at work. (Rehana, remember when we changed it back in the day). So I was busy doing my own work and randomly had a strong sad feeling and memory surface and I soon realized that it was because a certain song was playing. The memory that it brought up has been dealt with and I haven’t even thought about it in the longest time but I guess somewhere subconsciously there was an attachment with the song and certain feelings and memories.

I find it extremely interesting how our memory works with our subconscious. It makes me wonder if we should be listening to music or associating things with people or events. In some sense it ruins it actual song or scent or taste if it is associated with something, which turns sour. Our perception of the actual content can be drastically altered. I guess it why celebrities make perfume. I mean what does David Beckham really know about smells? He must be sweaty and nasty when he plays! But our perception that we smell like him and he’s hot or good at soccer changes how we feel about the product.

We should all buy perfume without knowing the name or looking at the fancy bottle. We should listen to every song without trying to remember events or feelings. Or is this what we want from the products and songs?

Running

Recently I joined a running group which teaches you how to run and which trains you do complete a 5K race. I was never into running, I don't enjoy running long distance. Running is what I did because it was a part of a sport or part of practice or a just a part of a bigger aspect. Therefore, I never really thought much of this running club, I always saw it as an endurance builder for my other sports but it has become something completely different.

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I love sports. Its a part of my life which makes me feel alive, which helps me in all other aspects of my life, its a thing that lets me be me. Recently, I've discovered running to give me a similar feel. Rather then the adrenaline rush that I crave, it gives me a chance to really think about stuff and to evaluate their importance. Huffing and puffing on the cold winter days, this running opens up my mind and my heart to the real things in life. I think its important that we all have a way to block out the world and just observe ourselves, our life, our souls, and our goals. Most people seem to do this in a yoga or meditative environment but for me it just happens to be running.

For those of you who have wanted to achieve and get in this state of mind, I think its important to know that its doesn't happen in any specific way for us all. Its for each of us to discover. It make be while in calm surroundings, it might be with an altered mind, it might when your outside running.

Working

This is my sixth week of being a full time working gal. Though I have worked in various jobs before this is the first full time job where I have no 4 month escape. Most people have asked me if I like it and to most I respond yes money is always good., But in reality I hate the inflexibility of the working life. When I say this I do not mean, the 8-5 attendance requirements or the constant traffic to and from work but rather the dramatic change in lifestyle and relationships.

The main issue I think is the fact that I feel I am fading away from my friends, my family for the past 4 years. The majority of my close friends are still in university, or starting their graduate degrees and all are still back east. Therefore their life is a lot more flexible and outgoing than the cowtown working life. They can still go out or hold events or generally be able to meet a lot more often.Even with all the technology advances nothing is the same as being there in person and being a part of an event.

Since I got back I’ve been alone. I haven’t been able to go to any events that have been a staple in my life due to work. I have tried to make the most of it and to reach out to what the world has to offer over here, but, sadly, it does not even come close to what was the norm over the last couple years.

But the question is what is a solution? Is this something temporary that everyone will have to soon go through, or is it an abnormality on my part? Its getting to the point where I want to cut off all connection so that I don't have to be bothered with thinking what I am missing.... yes I guess I have become a hater... at least its nice to be getting paid......

Vacations

Vacations are supposed to relax the body, mind and soul. Well at least suppose to be an escape of thinking about work. But no matter where I’ve worked, this is never the case. Before you go, you need to work extra hard to clear off any loose ends before you head out, then when you return you get all the phone calls, emails and work that you would be doing if you were on vacation piling up. In the end you still make up all the work you would have done in that time, which leads to overtime and extra stress.

I think that if you go on vacation and you still have to do everything that you would have while there, then that’s not a vacation and so it shouldn’t be called that. Vacation means you aren’t in the office and when you get back any of the work you would have had to do is taken care of.